Just another day

People who know me know that right now is a very hard time, my husband’s cancer is terminal, they have told us he has less than a year left.

Friends try to be supportive, but really what answers can I give them to their questions.  I know most of them really do care, but just how many times do they want to hear same things over and over.  Do I tell them I am not fine, I am not holding up well?  Or that I wake through the night just to make sure he is still breathing?

Even in the caregivers group I am part of, I feel out of place.  The people there understand much of what I deal with between suctioning and filters and any number of other issues that come up due to the total laryngectomy Ben had.  But they haven’t heard the words all of us dread, the seven words that change your world forever, the “There is nothing more we can do”.

For now I keep going, trying to enjoy my time with him while planing a life alone.



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